The Michael Scott effect
This isn't really about Michael Scott. It's about the rest of us.
Interesting how I’m already distancing myself from being like Michael Scott. Ha!
During childhood and adolescence, we form friendships that shape us for life. But as we get older, we become pickier. We start hanging out with people we admire or who have more in common with us. We fall into this “confirmation bias” loop. The paces we go, the people we see, the books we read, the social media accounts we follow - everything seems to connect with our brains and mirror our thoughts, feeding us more of the same.
Then we reconnect with those old friendships. And suddenly, we don’t agree with them. They don’t agree with us. They challenge us - and we challenge them. They test our patience and our boundaries. But we’re ok with it, because deep down, we already accepted these people. We did the emotional work without even realising it. And honestly, that kind of work is way easier when you don’t know you’re doing it.
Your politically incorrect friend from the past is still your friend. They were there before you gathered all this information, before you became who you are now.
Somehow I think we lose that ability. People (including myself) say things like, “I don’t want to waste time with people I don’t want to be around anymore” . Social media teaches us about boundaries, about walking away from “toxic” people. And sure, there’s some truth in that - but somewhere along the way, we lose the ability to tolerate, to sit with discomfort, and to learn from others. And to me, that’s crucial for real growth - and for happiness.
This is where Michael Scott becomes necessary.
Everyone has a Michael Scott friend. And everyone has tried to distance themselves from a Michael Scott, too.
Let’s compare the Michael Scott of your past with the one in your present.
Last week, my brother told me a story from high school. They had to dress up as a character from a specific country. My brother got India and went as Gandhi. One of his best friends got Germany.. and he went as Hitler. As my brother told me the story, he laughed and said, “Such a typical thing from Michael.” (His friend’s name isn’t actually Michael, but for the sake of this post, we’ll call him that.)
This isn’t about right or wrong. I’m kind of tired of talking about right and wrong all the time, to be honest. The more I try do define it, the more I dissociate from reality.
If there’s one character we can all agree consistently does the “wrong” thing - it’s Michael Scott.
But as you keep watching The Office, you start to develop this strange affection for him. You learn about his childhood. You see how loyal he is to his friends. And despite all his questionable behaviour, you start to feel for him.
I’ve read a lot of essays breaking down Michael Scott’s personality - mentioning things like the Dunning-Kruger effect, or how his privilege as a white man lets him get away with being a jerk. And yeah, I find those explanations pretty accurate.
But your Michael Scott - your real-life version - has their own story. Their own wounds. Maybe they didn’t get enough hugs. Maybe they’re carrying a lot you can’t see. And maybe.. you are someone’s Michael Scott.
I’m writing this because there’s already a lot of noise telling you to cut out the “toxic” people. My take is: don’t let them take up too much space in your head. And don’t isolate, isolation is never the answer. It’s the easy way. And honestly, it’s one of the most entitled ways of thinking.
That said, I’m not telling you to stay where you shouldn’t. Only you know when it’s time to go. And you probably already have the answer - not some random post on social media or Marcus, the spiritual dude you met at Four Square.
I just think we’ve swung too far. Once, we tolerated too much (we tolerated a lot of bullshit). Now, we dismiss too quickly. We don’t give people a chance to show their true colours. I don’t want to live at either extreme. I want to open myself up again - to other worlds, other ways of thinking.
So yes, I’m writing this for you - but also for myself.
We need more Michael Scotts in our lives.
Te quiero mucho!
Sina